new year 02:01:2023

It's almost a year since I actually updated this place outside of getting basic site up. I wish I actually would update it more often but real life got so annoying and I came back tired (and I still do) which put all of my plans on hold. Alongside of my perfectionism and non-existent self-esteem none of my ideas didn't go past idea or sketch stage, some are great and I wish I'll finish them finally.

I thought for a long time that sites, especially new layouts are big thing that needs to be finished at once and is a finite than a constant fluctating process and just having fun with these tiny site ideas you want to make real but they don't have much of use. For a long time I didn't know what to do with devon.somnol and not soon after, I stopped updating matfloor.net anyway.

Current layout will be longest lasting one so far and I hate this how uninspired I felt with my graphics and sites last year. My graphics folder ended at April, compared to Drawings one which has full 12 months (of which I'm proud). I'm glad I draw again but due this my graphics endeavors were put aside. I want to combine both of my illustration work, photography and graphic design together, since I feel that's why it felt so lacking for a long time for me. I made few layouts for neocities page that is more of status update, nothing new for matfloor didn't make out of mockup stage. I finally started to feel inspired only when in August or September I sketched out my ideas for illustrated devon.somnol to which I want to go back, I love the concept which is also important for my other sona, Cat.

My burnout stared after finishing Art Fight I believe. Despite working a lot back in July, I didn't feel so exhausted compared to past 4 months which were insane and too much for me. I was frustrated with drawing, I changsed my tablet in meantime and my ancient Intuos 1 will be reserved for my vintage setup at this point. It just feels more natural with something newer, especially when you did traditional art only before.

I started to play lot of vidya though. Rez is such a beautiful game, I suck less at Vib-ribbon now and trying out Wipeout was a great idea, 3 is the superior part of 90s Wipeout games (luv late 90s TDR). Alongside vidya, my old dressup game habit came back. Everskies is fine if you avoid community and finally I found a game with clothes I actually like. On 12th of December, my drug of choice as a kid, gosupermodel got relaunched and I'm loving it so far. I was early enough to snatch devon name and I made some profiles for it, it was fun to do graphics again. Just gonna make more and promote my magazines, maybe I'll make monie without paying,,, They remade Wardrobe Challenge and farming gomoney and fame is easier, I hope decor will come back someday. I burned too much of my time on it as a kid. Community is fun, it's refreshing to see site where userbase is actually adults and is focused on having good time over drama. I got people messaging me even just due to shared interest about books or music, bless.

From other news I got 5:4 lcd panel and ancient dot-matrix printer that I'm trying to get to work on classic mac and modern windows that I got from work because they had no more use there. I set up monitor today and it's genuinely more comfy to use it than stare on my tiny latop. 5:4 is way nicer aspect ratio too, I like how somnol sites and my sites look way better on it. I got some new art supplies and I'm about to buy few more things I missed in my usual big order I do every year, got more money now. I really want to do more finished pieces, especially after suprise (late) gift I did for caby.

I honestly don't want to set any massive goals just to force myself to realize them or plan massive projects, though there's still few I want to dedicate some time for. Still, I just want to draw more and maybe try speedrunning art school portfolio to not go for 3rd gap year and have more freedom from my toxic environment. It gonna be hard but I actually want to learn how to work on things I love and want to do. I want to improve my art significantly, do studies and not be scared of failure. I want to reference more and use photos that inspire me to get closer to ideas in my head. I want to go back to making graphics and integrate them more with my illustration and photography. I want to go out and take photos again. Want to write more about my characters and come out of my shell and stop being scared about talking about them. I want to continue very magical quest I'm working on with Cammy. I want to be comfortable and chat with my friends more.

Could go on more and more but it's what I want to achieve in some form this year and get out of slump, actually start doing things I always wanted than being mad at some random people, not being able to take risks and later wondering why I don't do anything and feeding this vicious cycle. I'm doing way better at this point with other things, so it's time to change it too.

Happy New Year, lads