mariteaux (no caps) is a Flareon, amateur web developer, musician, cult leader, and writer hailing maybe sorta from somewhere between the multiverse. At his peak, he was known for such daring acts as stanning carpet, making fun of Leroy's genitals, always being right, writing intentionally inflammatory essays about Neocities' wasted potential, and making sure everyone knows that owlman is and always will be a pedophile.
Flying too close to the sun did the fox in, unfortunately. mariteaux is no longer active on Neocities, but leaves its exclusive content and this slimmed-down layout in his place. Contact information can be found at the bottom of the page in case you'd like to get in touch. He's a nice guy, really.
Essays
December 2018
- Movin' On: No sappiness here. Thanks for the laughs.
- The Day I Became a Nostalgiaminer: Everyone becomes what they hate, and I am no exception. Here's what I learned from it.
November 2018
- I Fucked Up and I Give Up: My crusade's done. You do you.
- Shiny, Lightweight, Universal (Pick Two): When in doubt, make it in Flash, apparently.
October 2018
- Some Empty Friend (A Bit on Fake Niceness): Fake niceness makes us all worse people in the end.
- Revisiting "Passion": A look back at my most contentious piece.
- Webrings Are Not the Answer: An honest truth: webrings suck.
September 2018
- Neocities and a Lack of Passion: A call-to-action about wasted potential.
- Nostalgiamining vs Forging the Future: Together, we can stop trash fires.
August 2018
- In Defense of Discord: Stallman-wannabes need to learn to read.
January 2017
- Brickwalled: An older essay I wrote for school on the loudness war.
Reviews
| Album | Artist | Summary | Year | Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Trench | Twenty One Pilots | They managed not to dig a hole this time. Impressive. | 2018 | Good |
| Little Dark Age | MGMT | Only if you're trying too hard. | 2018 | Good |
| In the Future Your Body Will Be the Furthest Thing from Your Mind |
Failure | What a title. I have even more to say about it. | 2018 | Great |
| Down the Stairs and to the Left | Midwestern Dirt | BRIAN AUBERT SOLO RECORD okay not quite. | 2018 | Great |
| In Vitro | Graffiti Mechanism | Low-bit techno that excels despite a lack of cohesion. | 2014 | Good |
| Thank You Happy Birthday | Cage the Elephant | Absolutely fucking bipolar. | 2011 | Great |
| Modern Guilt | Beck | A frank and oddly French foray into paranoia. | 2008 | Great |
| Fuckers in Fucking Hole for Fuck | This Not Beated | Horribly impolite. | 2008 | Good |
| The Tender Ass EP | Old Oldman | Spanky spanky, but you won't know it at first. | 2007 | Great |
| Shark Week | c.layne | Proving both the sea and the sky are out to kill you. | 2007 | Classic |
| Robbers and Cowards | Cold War Kids | Hey, thieves need amazing bass grooves too. | 2006 | Great |
| II | Jonathan Ian | Another whiny bitch with a guitar. | 2006 | Eh |
| I | Jonathan Ian | Works better when you're not an angry squirrel. | 2006 | Good |
| ...Go Down Swinging! | The Acro-Brats | Temper tantrums done quick. | 2006 | Great |
| Carnavas | Silversun Pickups | No, the singer isn't a girl. Funny you mention that, though. | 2006 | Classic |
| Blogging EP | lost kluster | Way cooler than blogging. | 2006 | Good |
| Apologies to the Queen Mary | Wolf Parade | Apologies to anyone who bought this record. | 2005 | Eh |
| I Am the Portuguese Blues | Starflyer 59 | As monochrome as its cover, but that's not an insult. | 2004 | Great |
| Future Perfect | Autolux | A poppy whirlwind with an airtight tracklisting. | 2004 | Classic |
| Everyone Down Here | Earlimart | Silver Lake heads seaward. | 2003 | Great |
| Stargazer | Stella Luna | The mystique matches the music for once. | 2002 | Great |
| The Fashion Focus | Starflyer 59 | Blackness fiends and engine dreams. | 1998 | Great |
| Homogenic | Björk | As beautiful as Iceland; as incomprehensible as Iceland. | 1997 | Good |
| Dare to Be Surprised | The Folk Implosion | Ironically more natural than "Natural One". | 1997 | Classic |
| Curb | Nickelback | Now wait, hold on... | 1996 | Good |
| As Good as Dead | Local H | A fuckin' ugly highlight reel of 90s angst. I'm in love. | 1996 | Classic |
| Pacer | The Amps | Rock in rehab. | 1995 | Great |
| Foo Fighters | Foo Fighters | Dave Grohl used to be weird, man. | 1995 | Classic |
| Take a Look Inside... | The Folk Implosion | Fuckingaroundcore. | 1994 | Great |
| Magnified | Failure | As fun as songs about car crashes and arsons get. | 1994 | Classic |
| Bakesale | Sebadoh | Love, anxiety, and drugs in a blender. | 1994 | Great |
| Electra2000 | Hum | Pummel pommel pumble. Yehhhhhh. | 1993 | Great |
| Angel Dust | Faith No More | Alt metal? Art metal. | 1992 | Classic |
| Gala | Lush | IT'S SO FUCKING SHINY. | 1990 | Classic |
| Lungs | Big Black | Prime Big Black? No. Primal Big Black? Absolutely. | 1982 | Good |
| Chronic Town | R.E.M. | Chiming, eerie, mirthful, and I have no clue what it means. | 1982 | Great |
Contact information and other sites
- Main site
- Nostalgiaminer site (not being updated, don't get your hopes up, cheese)
- Neocities Districts (which I was project lead on)
- IceQuake (a ton more of my writing is on here)
- Discord: mariteaux#1020 [2023 note: just mariteaux now]
Turns you on is fine with me as long as
Matches don't get wet."Warm winds
Calling me a coward make me smile
They can't convince me now.