Dunking on the Fuzzy Man

Finished: August 5, 2021

"Well, this seems... interesting." It took but a glance at the television for this much to slip out of the yellow cat's mouth.

This news headline was different than the usual ones discussing the latest car accidents or community events. Something deep in him begged for him to just click off, that it was too early for this, but he swallowed the urge. Instead, he sipped his coffee, sat, and listened close.

"Goers of a congratulatory party for recently retired Chips-&-Billies CEO Georgie Carson were left in terror last night after Mr. Carson was found stabbed to the death in the bathroom."

"Authorities were quick to believe that this could be another act by the elusive 'Death's Apprentice', a faceless assassin who was also believed to be responsible for the murders of other high profile individuals in the past year."

"We have a witness who would like to give their story of what they believe they may have seen last night. Their identity will be anonymous to protect their identity."

Confounded at the thought of a potential witness to his crimes that he thought to be perfectly executed, Aaren leaned in closer to hear the testimony. On screen was, to be expected, a heavily censored out individual with a voice changer to boot. Understandable, but it wasn't like he planned to hunt this person down to begin with. With that, they began to speak.

"Last night, I met a man at the party who seemed out of place to me. He seemed lonely so I offered him a drink, he didn't budge. I later saw him leaving to the bathroom not long after I saw Mr. Carson leave for it as well. And that same bathroom would be the same bathroom he'd die in." Quickly after their last sentence ended, the news broadcast moved swiftly onto other stories of the morning.

"A man, huh?"

Curious, he set down his mug and reached for his phone. The day was a little too young to be reasonably calling anyone, but he wanted another person's take on what he just saw. He dialed up his secretary, partner-in-crime and favorite tech-and-or-information mule and waited at the ring.

After a good few seconds and at least two attempts, a just woken up, grumpy Alister could be heard on the other end.

"Do you realize how early it is? Couldn't you have waited until it wasn't 5 AM?"

With a shrug, he replied, "I dunno man, kids seem to make it work."

"That's not even- Whatever, what did you need?"

With a light chuckle, Aaren got to the point "So, I was watching the news this morning, they were talking about a very recent murder and a certain assassin, y'know? They seem to have an actual witness this time. Do you think they'll finally catch the bastard?"

"Fat chance." He scoffed, "I bet the guy was drunk off his ass and could only see in shades of purple."

"Well, he did say he offered him some booze. I can't imagine he offered and wasn't already indulging." He struggled really hard to not start snickering at his own stupid jokes.

"Oh wow, he did? No doubts he was smashed then. I doubt his testimony would hold up in a court of law."

"Nice, thanks for giving me your take on it. Now I suppose the old man needs more sleep?" Aaren has a quota to fill. If he's talking to Alister and he doesn't tease him at least once, he's off his game.

"Yes, yes." He did his best to ignore the old man comment. "Remember to come to work later. We need you there at 12 today to discuss business plans. See ya then."


"He hung up before I could even get a final word in."

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